We’ve had one of those months, actually, the last few months have just been a bit hectic.  Busy.  Crazy even.  It’s so easy to lose track of each other and become like roommates when that happens.  It’s hard tho, to get back to being friends again, to being husband and wife, to remembering that relationship that sustains.  It’s especially hard while dealing with the pressures of life when it’s often easier to pass each other by.

Ja and I had hit that point this past month.  Friends of ours noticed.  Those friends became very very bossy, booked us a room at a stunning bed and breakfast in Havelock, and stole the children for the entire weekend.  And then??  Then they made us dinner before sending us home.

Sadly, they did make us take the hooligans home with us… the only real downfall.

((KIDDING!!  Really!!))

Friday night I dropped the hooligans off at Tony and Theresa’s, and ran madly away. I threatened to never return. Theresa said she knew where we lived. It was a very sweet and moving moment.

((as an aside, this is how crazy she is, she has FOUR children of her own, the youngest is 7 months, the oldest is 7. She took MY THREE hooligans, and HER HUSBAND WAS AWAY ALL DAY. You heard me. Seven hooligans aged 8 and under. It takes a special kind of crazy for that nonsense!))

Saturday morning, we leisurely woke up, were a bit weirded out at the quiet in the house, puttered around a little bit, then set off for Havelock.

Havelock isn’t terribly far from us. About an hour if you dawdle. We dawdled. Then we drove up to this…

And I died from how gorgeous it was. That’s just the outside. The inside was even more stunning. The best part?? I did not once, in the entire time we were there, step on any legos.

The gardens surrounding the wrap around porch were exactly right. With just enough of that chaotic hither to to satisfy my flighty side, and enough taming to satisfy my just so side.

The day that we got there, we checked in, dumped our bags in our stunning room, and went out for a walk. I’m going to need more adjectives for this place, I think… everything was just so PRETTY. I felt completely and totally soothed. My soul quieted, and I reached for Ja’s hand. We just had to stand and BE for a minute.

We went for a walk along the trail, Judy made sure to send us with a snack and keys for the small cabin in case it down poured on us. We weren’t totally prepared for hiking, I neglected to bring good shoes, but the birks handled it pretty well. It was a bit wet, but still gorgeous.

When we got back to the house, about two hours later, after having a picnic dinner together, we got to enjoy the company of the lovely Judy and Des. We were treated to tea and homemade brownies.

I need to take a second to talk about this sweet sweet couple. We felt so incredibly welcome. They were warm and kind, were interested in us and our lives. We got to talk homeschooling and learn about their house. Ja got to talk oil spill stuff, Judy and I talked a bit about crafting. They were just so absolutely delightful!

From the kitchen window in the house, there were deer, and wild turkey. Squirrels and chipmunks. Birds of all kinds. You were so close to them, and they were so unafraid… I really did wish that the hooligans could have seen it.

And the room. Oh the room. I told Ja we were going to need to get a king sized bed pronto. I practically had to phone him from my side of the bed!

It was the little touches that really made it though. The candles on the dresser, the baskets of books and magazines. The tray with glasses and ice bucket on the end of the bed. No lego to step on.

And then there was the tub. Oh the tub. We did forgo the walk on the second day, JUST so that I could have another bath. By myself this time. (pretend you didn’t read that, Dad)

This was the best bubble bath ever. I don’t know what it was, but it was in this pretty pretty glass jar, and I used it. And I liked it. It smelled nice, it made the water a lovely blue colour, and there were loads and loads of bubbles!!

I didn’t get a picture of the breakfast, but I should have. The table was so lovely, all set with cloth napkins and nice china. There was bacon and sausages and eggs and homemade blueberry waffles the size of your head, and fruit and yogurt, and endless tea and coffee. I was beyond full when we were done. That Judy, she can COOK. I’m surprised Des isn’t four hundred pounds by now, frankly!

After a lovely leisurely morning getting packed up and ready to go, we hugged our newfound friends goodbye, and promised to return again. Which we will. (Hey, Theresa, whatcha doing next weekend?)

Then we were off to Ferris Provincial Park for a little dawdling walk over the suspension bridge there.

It was a bit freaky to be walking across and looking down. It threw off my perspective a little bit.

It was nice to wander in and out of the shade… absorb some sunshine. And get geared up to go back to the daily grind.

You know tho? What the best part of the whole weekend was? Aside from rediscovering each other? It was knowing that we have friends, such good and sweet friends who knew us well enough to know that we needed this. I cannot say how thankful I am that the Lord brought us all together. I cannot say how thankful I am that they gave us this opportunity to reconnect, to find each other, to play again.

It had been much too long.

Even though I’ve missed a couple of weeks, it is never too late to count those blessings.  (More about the party and the romantic weekend later…)

311.  farewell cancer party
312. family and friends gathered to help celebrate
313. turkey
314. Dads who are crazy about barbecuing
315. pot luck
316. sisters who don’t like having their picture taken, but do it anyway
317. Moms who are obviously beaming with joy at having her girls all together
318. sisterly bickering
319. sisterly drama (the fun kind)
320. cattle prods
321. discussing the possibility of cattle prod use in the raising of children
322. hooligans running around with water guns
323. Moms running around with water guns
324. Old, rickety play structures
325. bossy friends who steal your children and send you away for the weekend
326. long walks and reconnecting with the one you’re supposed to be with
327. bathtubs big enough for two
328. lingerie (pretend you didn’t read that, Dad!)
329. sleeping in
330. king sized beds
331. a breakfast fit for kings and queens
332. more walks, over top of the river
333. butterflies and bugs
334. crisp cold water to cool off hot feet
335. Remembering why, remembering when, remembering love

296.  mud
297. water
298. sunshine
299. heat
300. Kids that need no more than the above and each other for a good time
301. Sheets on the line flapping in the breeze.
302. Afternoon naps, resting the sickness away
303. 11 years married, 18 years together
304. Not wanting to change a moment of that time.
305. Sushi
306. A teen with a connection to my hooligans
307. Warm dirt, squishing between my toes
308. Garden planted
309. Neat rows lined up, waiting to spring forth
310. Too big “ankle breakers”

It’s a funny thing, you know, how once you’ve dealt with depression, grabbed hold of it, taken control, and kicked it out, it’s funny how it lingers. How when you least suspect it, WHAM, it hits you on the back of the head and there it is again. Always lurking in the shadows.

It makes you unsure of your feelings.  Even when the clouds are not hovering.  Makes you wonder if what you’re feeling is true, if you’re overreacting… if it’s okay to feel the way you do.

Even when you know the Lord has brought you through that time once, you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you didn’t learn what you were supposed to and that time is coming again.

And then there’s fear.  The fear that you aren’t strong enough to do it again, the fear that you really are doing it alone.  The fear that this time, this time will be the time that there isn’t an end, that there isn’t another side.  That the clouds will not clear.  That you will stay, mired in the murk, forever.

Because that’s what it’s like for me, that place.  Things are drained of colour, and oh how I thrive on colour.  It’s like the peripheral of your vision is cloudy, and you’re just waiting for those clouds to cover your vision in its entirety.

But now, now I have people who remind me, who tell me when I can’t tell myself, who let me know that I am NOT doing this alone, that while this may be lurking on the edges for the rest of my life?  I am never alone.

When there is fire, and there will be fire, I will not have to do it alone.

When there are rivers that want to drown, I will be held with my head above water.

There is no guarantee in this life that there will not be struggles.  There’s no magic formula to make life perfect all the time.  There’s no chant, no prayer, nothing, that will guarantee that we will not struggle. There WILL be struggles, of that we can be sure.  Different for everyone, yes, but struggles nonetheless.

But in the end?  In the end, there is always an end.  And the journey to get there does not have to be traveled alone.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

Nor shall the flame scorch you.

For I am the LORD your God,

The Holy One of Israel, your Savior

Isaiah 43:2-3

There comes a time when something happens that makes you absolutely unequivocally count your blessings.  When you are so glad that it’s something minor, when you are so thankful that it’s a simple fix.  When it could have been so so much worse than it was.

Yesterday we had a gathering with a few friends and many children.  The kids ran amok, the adults chatted and ate, the sun was shining.  There was dirt, rocks, jumping, and, unfortunately, hammers.

Which led to a trip to emergency.

Which led to our son’s first CT scan.

280. Snuggles with Daddy while waiting… and waiting…
281. Mama being thankful that she actually DID renew the health cards last week.

282. A health care system where we don’t have to worry if we’ll be able to get a CT scan AND eat this week.

283. A daddy, worried about a son who is terribly afraid of the unknown.
284. A CT tech who explained every little thing about what was going to happen to a nervous little boy.
285. A CT tech who asks where he goes to school, and responds to the homeschool answer, “WELL, you know what that means? That you’re homeschooled? It means you’re getting a GREAT education.”
286. A boy who responds, “Yah, and we get a lot of breaks too!”
287. A completely normal CT scan

288. A CT tech who KNEW a six year old boy would love to see a picture of his eyeballs… from the inside.
289. A kind and gentle nurse who found the wound in spite of the matted bloody hair.
290. Friends who pray.
291. Friends who stay.
292. Friends who just plain care.
293. A little boy who just may be a little more careful when smashing rocks.
294. A little boy who gets such joy out of something as simple as smashing rocks.
295. My healthy and happy little boy, home, safe, in my arms.