… then you will be humbled.

I got cocky.  I thought that through all the trials that have happened the past few months, we were handling it quite well.  On our own.  With no help.  In fact, I thought that we were so good, we were better than a lot of other people.

And I was humbled.  Oh was I humbled.  By my own reaction to a situation with one of the kids, by my reaction with Ja together.  By the child’s reaction.

We have not invited the Lord to be at the center of our home for a good long while now, and that is very obvious in the prideful way we’ve all been behaving.

Yesterday?  We were humbled.  I was humbled.  And frankly?  I’m glad for it.

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“Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built upon Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

Colossians 2:7

336.  Forgiveness
337. Second chances… and third… and fourth….
338. Giving thanks
339. 7 year olds
340. toothless boys
341. The sound of hooligans calling to each other… designing games to play
342. The heavy heat of late summer
343. bird watching
344. Grandpa’s who are excited about bird watching
345. Grandma’s who re-learn to knit
346. Coffee with friends
347. Hard working husbands
348. Love, and always this
349. Being able to change things
350. Colouring toddlers, getting along nicely
351. Painted and organized bedrooms
352. The anticipation of new things with the new season

The past year has brought many things with you. Things like losing your first teeth, starting to learn to read. Getting your first CT scan.

Deciding not to STOP smashing rocks with a hammer, but deciding that you would definitely be more careful about it.

You are my surprising child. I can’t even count the times that you have shocked me with your perseverance, with your heart of gold. Son, I hope you keep that heart. The part that feels so deeply for everyone and everything around you. Your bravery at confronting an injustice, even when that might mean having anger turned on you.

I love how INTO things you get. “Great persevering!” is a refrain commonly heard in this house. From spending two hours in a break until you were ready to come and talk about what was done wrong, to spending hours building a lego model. A K’nex model. Colouring a picture. Building a fort in your room. Smashing rocks with hammers. Your perseverance in getting the job done is a great lesson to me as well. If it’s work doing, it’s worth spending the time on to do it right and to get it done. I love that about you.

We are just now figuring out some food and behaviour issues for you. It’s a tricky thing, because when you are happy? When you aren’t hungry and things are going well? You are the best kind of kid to be around. Cautiously willing to try just about anything, easy going. Helpful. But, when you are hungry and things are not just as you would like them to be? Then your rage is fearsome to watch. I hope and pray that we can figure this out so that you can be that sweet sweet boy all the time.

Oh Ephraim, you are the middle child. The only boy. I love to watch you as you figure things out in this world. You are so very black and white when it comes to rules. You don’t like anything that deviates from what you know to be truth. Not even in the slightest.

You hold me to my word. If I say I’m going to do something, you can darned well bet that you will be the one who gently reminds me of what I said.

I love you, handsome boy. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, and I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for you this year!

Love,
Momma

Now, this is an amazing life.  She was 90 ish years old.  Had 12 children.  40 grandchildren.  42 great grandchildren.  When she died, she was 3 days shy of her 70th wedding anniversary.  Now, that is a legacy.

It’s a funny thing though, all of this death that we’ve been struggling our way through.  Ja has said about his Beppe many times, “this one just makes sense at least.  It makes sense.”  A long life.  Many many descendants.  A faithful life.  She had hard times, she had good times.  Whenever I saw her, she had a grin on her face, and even with all of those grandkids and their spouses kicking around, she never ever forgot my name.  Every Christmas she would warmly clasp my hand in hers and say, “Yamie.  So happy you are here.”  (She was dutch, hence the “y”)

It’s a tricky place to be though, this reeling from death, reeling from grief.  We just seem to get our feet under us, and then are knocked for a loop again.  But, I know that we are held up.  That this too shall pass, and on the other side, and there always is an other side, we will stand tall, proud of our memories and happy to share them.

In the meantime tho?  In the meantime we simply do the next thing.  And the next thing leads to the next.  And eventually, it will become routine again, this doing the next thing, and then the new reality, the new life without those few loved ones will feel normal.

Just do the next thing.

It all started three weeks ago with a phone call from Ja’s brother Ian.  Their other brother, Kenny, had died in his sleep that day.  He was 34.

We don’t know the actual cause of his death yet, just that he couldn’t be woken up, and then he was simply gone.  Taken home.  He left behind a wife and two small children.

The first three days after his death were fairly torturous.  We couldn’t find Ja’s parents.  They had just left on a cross Canada tour…  their first one ever.  They were headed from central Ontario all the way to British Columbia, a dawdling tour, with full intents of shooting off the highway if the whim so took them that way.

They do not own a cell phone.

Yup.  The thought was that they do have a GPS doohickey, and no one, not one of us thought that WE would need to contact them.  We’re all healthy, things are good, and if THEY needed help, they had one of those panic button thingies on the doohickey.

All we knew is that they left London at around 10 AM, and were headed west.

Canada is a very large country.

We made a phone call to the OPP, who, unfortunately were very little help.  The people that were finally able to help us locate them?  Canada Parks.  They were amazing.  They checked the system every few hours and emailed us an update.  They were kind, they even had one park ranger at a certain park drive around to see if they were still in the camp.

Ultimately, it was Canada Parks who caught them signing in at Kakabeka falls and gave them the message to call us.

I think that may have been the hardest thing that Ja has ever done in his life.  He had to tell his mom, over a bad connection no less, that her son was dead.

Her youngest son was dead.

Parents are not supposed to outlive their children.  Ja said afterward that he has never ever heard his mom make that kind of noise before.  He said that he hopes we never ever are on the receiving end of a phone call like that.

But, I am very thankful to the Lord that up until that point?  They had a wonderful trip together.  Ja’s Dad said that it was three of the best days of their married life together.  Was that intended to shore them up so that they could deal with the heartbreak of losing their youngest child?

Ja and I have seen a lot of death in the past few years.  We both lost our grandmothers last year, and we also lost a very dear friend.  Nothing has been like this though.  Nothing has seemed so… personal… so wounding.  So heartbreaking.

My niece and nephew are aged 2 and 1 respectively.  My niece spends most of her days screaming “DADDY” whenever her front door opens, and dissolving in inconsolable tears when someone leaves.  At first she thought that her Daddy was playing hide and seek, and she would search the house for him.

When my Gramma died, I was heartbroken.  We went to the funeral, we mourned.  I miss her still to this day, but we moved on.

This?  This is going to be an open wound for a good long while.  I had to marry Ja to get brothers.  Kenny was a brother to me, we went to highschool together, we sat on the bus.  He made fun of me when I cried because Ja went back to Thunderbay, and then would tell me jokes and make me laugh until I felt better.

He had a grin and a laugh like you wouldn’t believe.  We would always say that Kenny was such an ASS.  And yet, he was the most lovable bear of an ass I have ever met.

His pride over his kids was something to see.  He got so excited about the least little thing they did, and would happily tell the whole world about it.

Kenny was a dreamer and a schemer.  Fully willing to take the ribbing if you would just spend 10 minutes listening to his latest scheme.

We didn’t see him enough.  We felt used a lot of the time, and yet now?  Now we won’t ever get that time back.

Kenny was a believer.  He knew where he was going when he died, and there is no doubt in my mind that he was right.  There is hope there.  Hope that we will see him again, that we will hear that laugh again, and that we will be able to smack that bear of a man when he makes a silly teasing comment.

Kenny was a son, he was a brother, he was a husband and a father.  He was a nephew and a friend.  Kenny was… Kenny.

I look forward to the day when I see him again.

So yesterday I stumbled across this link for homemade sidewalk chalk!  It was such a gorgeous day yesterday that we figured it was the perfect afternoon activity.

Cornstarch, water and food colouring.  Very very simple, and so much fun.  The only thing I would do next time, is add more cornstarch…  maybe 3/4 cup of cornstarch for 1/2 cup of water.  It could have been a wee bit thicker for ease of painting.

It’s always so interesting to me to see the different ways that the hooligans are creative with things like this. They started out all bunched together, sharing the different colours back and forth. Then they each moved to their own space to create something.

Zi liked to do big things…

Eph is a detail man. He spent a long long time working on one picture at a time. this always amazes me about my boy. He definitely kept going for the longest amount of time. Just patiently painting and painting…

Talya, in her typical singing fashion, sang her way through each picture, hopping from one spot to the next.

This was a great way to spend the afternoon. It occupied them for a couple of hours at least. It would have been longer, I’m sure, if I had have made them some more paint.

A great peaceful time spent together. There wasn’t even any arguing over colours, just kind asking and sharing…

We will definitely be doing this again!