… then you will be humbled.

I got cocky.  I thought that through all the trials that have happened the past few months, we were handling it quite well.  On our own.  With no help.  In fact, I thought that we were so good, we were better than a lot of other people.

And I was humbled.  Oh was I humbled.  By my own reaction to a situation with one of the kids, by my reaction with Ja together.  By the child’s reaction.

We have not invited the Lord to be at the center of our home for a good long while now, and that is very obvious in the prideful way we’ve all been behaving.

Yesterday?  We were humbled.  I was humbled.  And frankly?  I’m glad for it.

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“Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built upon Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

Colossians 2:7

336.  Forgiveness
337. Second chances… and third… and fourth….
338. Giving thanks
339. 7 year olds
340. toothless boys
341. The sound of hooligans calling to each other… designing games to play
342. The heavy heat of late summer
343. bird watching
344. Grandpa’s who are excited about bird watching
345. Grandma’s who re-learn to knit
346. Coffee with friends
347. Hard working husbands
348. Love, and always this
349. Being able to change things
350. Colouring toddlers, getting along nicely
351. Painted and organized bedrooms
352. The anticipation of new things with the new season

296.  mud
297. water
298. sunshine
299. heat
300. Kids that need no more than the above and each other for a good time
301. Sheets on the line flapping in the breeze.
302. Afternoon naps, resting the sickness away
303. 11 years married, 18 years together
304. Not wanting to change a moment of that time.
305. Sushi
306. A teen with a connection to my hooligans
307. Warm dirt, squishing between my toes
308. Garden planted
309. Neat rows lined up, waiting to spring forth
310. Too big “ankle breakers”

It’s a funny thing, you know, how once you’ve dealt with depression, grabbed hold of it, taken control, and kicked it out, it’s funny how it lingers. How when you least suspect it, WHAM, it hits you on the back of the head and there it is again. Always lurking in the shadows.

It makes you unsure of your feelings.  Even when the clouds are not hovering.  Makes you wonder if what you’re feeling is true, if you’re overreacting… if it’s okay to feel the way you do.

Even when you know the Lord has brought you through that time once, you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you didn’t learn what you were supposed to and that time is coming again.

And then there’s fear.  The fear that you aren’t strong enough to do it again, the fear that you really are doing it alone.  The fear that this time, this time will be the time that there isn’t an end, that there isn’t another side.  That the clouds will not clear.  That you will stay, mired in the murk, forever.

Because that’s what it’s like for me, that place.  Things are drained of colour, and oh how I thrive on colour.  It’s like the peripheral of your vision is cloudy, and you’re just waiting for those clouds to cover your vision in its entirety.

But now, now I have people who remind me, who tell me when I can’t tell myself, who let me know that I am NOT doing this alone, that while this may be lurking on the edges for the rest of my life?  I am never alone.

When there is fire, and there will be fire, I will not have to do it alone.

When there are rivers that want to drown, I will be held with my head above water.

There is no guarantee in this life that there will not be struggles.  There’s no magic formula to make life perfect all the time.  There’s no chant, no prayer, nothing, that will guarantee that we will not struggle. There WILL be struggles, of that we can be sure.  Different for everyone, yes, but struggles nonetheless.

But in the end?  In the end, there is always an end.  And the journey to get there does not have to be traveled alone.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

Nor shall the flame scorch you.

For I am the LORD your God,

The Holy One of Israel, your Savior

Isaiah 43:2-3

And sometimes…  just… sometimes.  There are too many gifts to count.  The gifts outnumber the hardships… the hardships ARE a gift.  It’s these times, these weeks, that is what makes the really REALLY hard times easier to take.  Maybe it’s just the counting of the blessings?  The blessings that seem to flow like streams of water from His divine hands?  Maybe, when we’re aware of the blessings, even amidst the sorrow, THAT’S what makes it all easier…

246.  Mothers.  Having one.  Being one.
247. Fathers. Especially when they love that I love what they love.
248. Parents in general, ones that want to give and give and give.
249. That they know it wouldn’t matter to us if they gave or not.
250. Cold rain.
251. Snow in May.
252. Warm wood heat when there’s snow in May.
253. Hooligans, listening to Adventures in Odyssey while crafting like crazy.
254. New long awaited for toys.
255. An entire day spent in pjs, being fussed over.
256. Not having to clean up the kitchen.
257. The giggles of hooligans… trying to be quiet… while a mama gets to sleep in.
258. Jumping in sunshine after a wet and rainy weekend.
259. Joy
260. Learning to stay home… and really really liking it
261. Schedules
262. Friends to bounce schedule ideas off of.
263. Deviating from the schedule to read just ONE MORE STORY
264. Learning that biblical events are real history
265. That guy who comes home with a grin on his face… ready to take over…

So whether you eat or drink, or

whatever you do, do it all for the

glory of God.

1 Corinthians 11:31

206.  Spring, oh spring
207. The fuzzy green halo that surrounds everything
208. Warmth in the morning
209. Growing plants, bursting forth with the promise of NEW LIFE.
210. Sweaty little boys who have spent the entire day digging in the dirt.
211. Girls discovering a bird’s nest with eggs in it… sitting quietly nearby to see what kind of bird would land there.
212. Climbing trees so high that you worry for a minute you might not get down
213. Happy faces when Mama makes them something new
214. A surprise for a good good friend
215. the help of other friends to make that surprise happen.
216. The life partner praying for a good day in the drowsiness of the morning.
217. The crisp clean smell of a windows newly washed.
218. The quiet after a busy few days.
219. The noise of happy running hooligans.
220. The quiet after those hooligans go to bed… to sleep, to dream.
221. Taking a day to cook and chat with friends.
222. Freezers full of ready to pop in the oven meals.
223. Wee babes, cozy on their mama’s back
224. The anticipation of a trip away.
225. Sisters who were willing to watch hooligans.