Now, some of you who know me quite well may have noticed that I’ve been wearing long skirts an awful lot for the past year or so. It’s a bit of an interesting, story, actually…
I guess it started when I met this guy…
(((why yes, he really IS that handsome in real life!)))
And then we got married… then I became a Christian… then we had hooligans… then I became serious about BEING a Christian… well, you get the idea.
The thing is that I was a wee bit of a tomboy growing up… Always in shorts with skinned knees, climbing trees, falling out of them, ripping around on a bike… that kind of thing. I think that’s wonderful, by the way. There’s no reason that a girl can’t get JUST as dirty as any boy. My mama used to say that she’d pit her four girls against any boy, anytime.
The moral of all that is to say that I’m generally a pretty tough chick. Mind you, a pretty tough chick who is easily hurts and cries a lot… but that’s just semantics.
That leads us to the past year or so.
The good Lord has kind of led me to a place where I have needed to realize that that handsome guy up there was created to be the leader of our family.
Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 11:3
Ouch.
Now, I’m sure a lot of women are now up in arms… I am NOT saying that women are not as WORTHY as a man, I’m not saying that women are not as GOOD as a man… not at all. God did create us equal, but he also created us different.
In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.
1 Corinthians 11:11-12
Ja and I are a team. No doubt about it.
“Haven’t you read,” Jesus replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6
I tell ya, I sure am glad to have a partner like this one.
ANYWAY, you’re probably wondering, what the heck does that have to do with wearing skirts?
Well… the problem is that I’m a wee bit headstrong (shut up Mom), I’m a bit of a smart aleck (shut up Dad), and I really like to have things go my own way (Russell, I know where you live…).
That’s a problem when God has purposefully put Ja as the leader of our family.
I was trying really hard to just go with the flow, let him do things his way, make decisions his own way. Always with my input, of course. But, it never failed, my own agenda would get in the way, and I would push that agenda. Frustrating him and myself. Not good.
It showed, and still does on occasion, the lack of faith I have in God, really. His Word TELLS me that Ja is the head, and that HE will guide the head. If I step in and take control, how is Ja going to hear what God wants for our family?
Of course, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get a say in decisions. I totally do. We discuss everything together. From what kind of shoes the kids need, right down to how much we can afford to spend on a new van. Little things, like if we should just box the children up until they’re grown, right up to big things like whether we should be looking for a new church or not.
BUT, I had to, and still have to, learn that Ja gets the final say. Heck, I had been wrenching the reins out of his hands for so many years, that this is something HE had to learn too!
I needed a tangible reminder to let him lead. To trust that God would guide him in the right way for our family. To ALLOW that sometimes? That meant that it wasn’t going to go my way.
That tangible reminder became a desire to wear only skirts. I discussed it with Ja, who appreciated the sentiment (not to mention he thinks skirts are sexy… which is kind of beside the point), and we decided to give it a whirl. I knew that it was going to have to be a drastic change though, so I immediately (after sewing myself a couple of skirts) gave away all of my pants but one pair (not including pyjama pants).
You know what? Almost instantly, after deciding that I would only dress that way, I felt free, I felt lighter. He could look at me and remember that he needed to speak gently, he listened to me more openly. My tone was less nagging, we had RESPECT for each other because we had this physical visible REMINDER of the difference in our roles in the family.
It’s all about respect, really, and about that reminder that we need to respect and love each other. He loves that I respect him enough to bother putting on a skirt every morning. I think of him every time I do it… making him happy? Well, it makes me happy too. Wanting to make my husband happy, WANTING to serve him, does not make me a lesser person. He is kinder, gentler, he seems to want to serve me because I am obviously taking joy in serving him. It’s win win for us really.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21
I still struggle, WE still struggle, of course. I certainly don’t think that the woman wearing skirts alone is any kind of magical fix for a struggling marriage, but for us? I heard God whispering in my ear, and I listened. The blessings have been magnificent.
The blessings have even stretched beyond the home and into the public. Busy hassled clerks smile when they look at me. I’m more quick to respond to rushed shoppers with patience and gentleness. Scruffy teens will RUSH ahead of me to hold open a door… it’s funny how such a simple thing as dressing femininely has brought all of these blessings to me.
(((Our girls wear skirts about 80% of the time. I want them to hear their own conviction from the Lord, and not just hear mine.)))
And now is the point where I think I need to offer a bit of a disclaimer… I am certainly NOT an expert on the scriptures. I do NOT believe that if a woman wears pants and believes in Jesus that she will not go to heaven. This whole “skirt thang” is a PERSONAL conviction. I do believe that if I were to not listen to God speaking to me, THAT would be a sin on my part. You may have a personal conviction to not watch tv… or to not buy any oreos… I don’t have those (yet… I’m always listening…). I think that because God wants to have an individual relationship with each one of us, the “rules” of that relationship are going to be different. He created us differently. My weaknesses may not be your weaknesses, and my strengths may not be your strengths. That’s the whole point, really, that we all fit together to work together for HIS glory, not our own.
I give God the glory when I let my husband lead. When I *gasp* submit to him. When I submit to Ja, and do things more his way than my own, he has an easier time submitting himself to the Lord. His behaviour does NOT need to control my behaviour. Even when he’s being a bit of a doinky doink (and it happens sometimes), it is still my command from GOD to be a good wife to him. To respect him. To honour him. To love him.
And you know what? When I do my job well? Then he does his job well too. And THAT is the way that God intended it.
Seriously, it takes a REAL man to pose for his wife while he’s been shoveling in shorts and winter boots on a warmish winter night…. Goodness, I love that man!
